Christmas 2011
Dear Zombie Jesus: Please bless the christ killers; for without them I wouldn’t have this holiday. I may be an athiest – but I love it when drinking booze, being lazy, and eating shitty food is justified by pseudo judeo-christian holidays.
Dec 24th, 2011
11:49am – Christmas eve drinking has officially begun; before noon. My holiday drunkenness has now extended into it’s third day. The hangovers are beginning to to get easier to handle as my drinking progresses. Excellent! My 93 year-old grandmother-in-law who’s staying with us thinks I love orange juice – yay vodka screwdrivers.
13:05 – We are getting ready to drive to town to get a present we forgot to buy for one of my in-laws. The vodka and bong hits are ongoing.
14:43 – I’m still in my pajamas while my beautiful wife makes cheese sauce. Haven’t left the house yet. The drinking [religious celebration] continues. Everything seems sexier (except for the in-laws who are just slightly more tolerable): see beer goggles.
15:58 – My wife tries to fuck me in the loft while the grandma-in-law watches american football on TV and pisses herself. I’m still drinking.
20:23 – Home from the city. Went to dinner after the store we were trying to find a last minute gift at closed early. I’ve switched to cheap beer.
I am drinking cinnamon whiskey as I read your blog. This way I smell like cinnamon sticks. Love it xoxox
I fucked my sisters best friend after our christmas dinner. we were both shitfaced. it was a festivus miracle.
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